I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
