What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize