We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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