My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
