Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
