can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
