Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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