then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
