He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
