So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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