he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
