u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
