his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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