i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
