Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
