Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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