You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
