my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
