Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I understand Curling. That high.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
