I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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