wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
