Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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