You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
