I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
