My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
