I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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