Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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