I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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