We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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