I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
