I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
