dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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