White coat. Heels.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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