ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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