he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
