So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
