If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
