i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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