trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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