Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
