There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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