So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
