I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
