we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
