Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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