so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a search helicopter?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dick very happy bro
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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