Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
