Betty ford says i'm here all night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I did not marry a roomba.
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