Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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