HIV tests are more positive than that guy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize