I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
