the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
