Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
