Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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