she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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