There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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