I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
