i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Boobs speak an international language.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
