it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
