I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
