Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
