Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
