my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
