so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
