I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
