Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
