ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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