I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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